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(Most current post is on top, old shit on bottom)

Marjoe Gortner #1

Imo post a picture of Marjoe Gortner on the front of my blog RIGHT NOW.



Why?

Because I can, motherfucker.

Because.

I.

Can!
Winsor McCay on DVD

Little Nemo I've long known of, but having seen McCay's animation for the first time I seriously have to wonder if anyone since has done better than this.
Speaking of Franks II

You could buy some of these and help save Fantagraphics...



(Sorry about the hard sell. Don't mean to get all Fuller Brush on you, but your checking account must die so that Fantagraphics may live. It's really that simple.)
Speaking of Franks

There's only one Frank scarier...



Only one Frank cooler...



And only one frank which plumps when you cook 'em...


Late to the Party, I Know...

Wow.

I really liked this DVD. Just saw the film for the first time tonight.

It has a real Memento/Virgin Suicides/Jacob's Ladder/Pure Formality vibe to it.

Only drawback is I can't sleep without a nightlight because I'm afraid I'll wake up to Frank...


Fantagraphics Teeters on the Brink

Alert! Alert!

Friends, comics must be purchased. Everything depends on it. For twenty-seven years Fantagraphics has served as a bulwark against the forces of homogenaeity and sperm count-reducing blue glow hilfigerization of words-and-pictures, words, pictures, and pictures. But tonight all of that is in jeopardy. As a species, we gaze out over a chasm the likes of which we have not seen since yesterday when the last chasm yawned, gaping and menacing.

In the night.

So, really then, it all comes down to this...

Don't even THINK of spending a thin dime in Best Buy until you've purchased at least $50 worth of comics from Fantagraphics. Tonight. Now. Now, fucker, now. Because -- trust me on this -- Dreamworks does NOT need your money and three months from now, season one of the Sopranos will still be there, but Eightball may not.

At least not as we know it.

And that's the way we want Fantagraphics some twenty seven years hence... just as we know it.
Best Online Movies I've Seen This Week

Every one an instant classic.

Jesus H. Christ

Crap.

That Yao Ming/Franz Kafka thing was actually posted. I was just dicking around and typed that out for the fuck of it and somehow I pressed "publish" and it went up. Embarassing.

Eh.

Whatever.

After all, this is just an effing blog and there are like six readers, so why not just leave it up. That's what I did with "My Many Sheens" (also a ten second castoff) and most people who have commented on this blog have mentioned that post. Odd what will resonate with people.

Fight, Yao, never surrender!
Harry Shearer Talks Apple

iConversation with Harry Shearer

"iConversation?"

Um. Okay.

I've always liked Harry Shearer. He's consistently stayed atop his game even as his peers have shriveled up and blown away (Chevy Chase, Martin Short. Steve Martin, who must never be forgiven for "Bringing Down the House" -- which caused SARS. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm pretty sure 750 people are dead world-wide because of that film. Also, Bill Murray until Wes Anderson redeemed him. Don't even mention Akroyd).

Also, Shearer's Le Show is Big Vagina playing card good.

It's THAT good.
Who Would Win?

Who would win in a fight between Yao Ming and Franz Kafka?

Yao Ming!

Yes.

Round two.

Who would win in a fight between Yao Ming and Franz Kafka?

Yao Ming!

You already asked that.

Yes, you are paying attention.

Okay.

Who would win in a fight between Yao Ming and...

Don't say "Franz Kafka!"

Ha ha.

I was not going to say that, but if I did who would win?

Yao Ming!

So good at this.

Okay, one more...

Who would win... Yao Ming or...

Yao Ming!

Yes, the answer is always Yao Ming.

Enough.

Break!
Excerpt from Kafka's diaries (December 19, 1914)

"The beginning of every story is ridiculous at first. There seems no hope that this newborn thing, still incomplete and tender in every joint, will be able to keep alive in the completed organization of the world, which, like every completed organization, strives to close itself off. However, one should not forget that the story, if it has any justification to exist, bears its complete organization within itself even before it has been fully formed; for this reason despair over the beginning of a story is unwarranted; in a like case parents should have to despair of their suckling infant, for they had no intention of bringing this pathetic and ridiculous being into the world. Of course, one never knows whether the despair one feels is warranted or unwarranted. But reflecting on it can give one a certain support; in the past I have suffered from the lack of this knowledge."
Not Your Mom's Playing Cards

So, we all know about the Iraqi deck thing and then I saw this link for War Profiteers playing cards on KWSnet.com and I thought I'd see what else I could dredge up. I'm sure there are cooler cards out there, but this is just what I could find in thirty minutes on Google.

Chiggety check it...

Oo. This Looks Good

Shutterbug Follies by Jason Little.





Sorta like Adrian Tomine meets Chris Ware meets Maurice Vellekoop.
Burn!

While we're on the subject of cool (and free or cheap) games, allow me to mention Witch Trial from Cheapass Games.

Now...

I've never played this game.

So, is it good?

I don't know.

What I DO know is I can think of a hell of a lot less entertaining ways to spend an evening than drinking beer, eating chips, and shouting "burn the witch!" I mean that's worth $7.50 right there, isn't it? Of course, you don't really need cards to do that, but... I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.

UPDATE: After a more thorough reading of the descriptive text, I note that the game does NOT allow you to burn the witch but rather "press her to death with heavy stones." That might change everything. "Press the witch with heavy stones!" is not nearly as appealing as "burn the witch!"
Oh, HELL Yeah!

Don't even axe me how I found this link. It's not worth going into. All you need to know is it's a free download of a card game called Porn Star.

Do we love the Internet yet?
Here's the Thing...

It's got to be really hard to hide one of those trillion penny cubes. Somebody has to have seen something. Americans, if you are out hiking, walking your pet, or rummaging through your attic looking for action figures and you happen to find one of these cubes, please, please contact Attorney General John Ashcroft immediately.

Phone: (202) 353-1555
Email: AskDOJ@usdoj.gov

If every citizen (especially those old guys with their metal detectors down on Redondo Beach) makes a commitment to remain alert for clues regarding the missing trillion penny cubes, then America can get back to the business of exporting our buttery smooth brand of democracy to the poor brown peoples of That Other Country What Place On Map We Not Find.

It takes a village.

To find one trillion pennies.

Because that's what Jesus would do.
Just Another Day in Paradise

Three nuns cost the American taxpayers $1,000.

Department of Defense "loses" $1,000,000,000,000 (yes, that's twelve zeroes, friend).

How much is one trillion? Well, here's one trillion pennies.

Now imagine one hundred of those trillion penny cubes and you have the amount stolen, lost, lent, donated to various close friends of the Department of Defense.

Guess who gets eight years in a federal prison.

The American taxpayers are one trillion dollars poorer, but on the plus side that's three less scummy, sociopathic nuns who will menace our nuclear silos. John Ashcroft: making America safe... one nun at a time.
All-American Double Feature

Four hours spent with these classics is as effective a crash course in the American mind as you're likely to find. It's all here. A childlike ignorance of sex, religion, world affairs, drugs, mental health.

Un. Fucking. Believable. As you watch "Hell House," take a moment to reflect on the slightly disturbing notion that all three branches of the United States government craft foreign and domestic policy using the exact same reasoning. It's kind of funny coming from the mouth of a gum-chewing 6th grader. Not so funny when Colin Powell tries to pass the same bit at the United Nations (sans gum, of course. He is after all... Colin Powell).

"Hands on a Hardbody?" Well, shit that's just about a bunch of Americans who resolve to fend off death, starvation, and crushing fatigue rather than remove their hands from the shiny, late model sport utility vehicle. Nuff said.

Hell House

Hands on a Hardbody
My Many Sheens

Martin Sheen
Charlie Sheen
Emilio Sheen
Afro Sheen
Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
Jean Shaheen
Angel Sheen
Sheen Fein
Popovich knocks head on Mexican lime tree.

Popovich okay.

Lime tree doing poorly.